Keys to good Parenting
As parents, one of our top concerns is our children’s behavior. We want them to respect others and make the most of relationships. It is known by many researchers that children begin even s babies and toddlers to decide how to express feelings and relate to people.
How can we start our little ones on a path to managing their own behavior? Teaching self control does not have to be hard—not if we stare early and guide our children in positive, creative ways.
Our babies need respect and love. Babies are wonderful new human beings, but they are not ready to think about your feelings or rules. They will learn to trust and depend on you if you are respectful and consistent in meeting their needs. If you are, you will not need to worry about misbehavior. Trusting babies naturally learn peaceful behaviors. Toddlers also need respect, love, and guidance to learn self control. As babies become toddlers with minds of their own, it is time to teach them self control and about getting along with others At this point positive techniques are good to know.
It is important to start shaping a child’s behavior with consistency, love, and understanding.
This key---Teaches self control----talks about the difference between positive and negative discipline for older babies, toddlers, and preschoolers. It offers suggestions for preventing misbehavior in the first place and teaching better ways to behave.
Positive discipline teaches your child to behave in an acceptable ways and to develop a personal sense of self- control. Examples of positive discipline include:
Being a good example for your child by staying calm and in control of your feelings.
Reducing the need to say “No” by reasonably child-proofing your home.
Learning what behavior is realistic for your child’s stage of development to help you avoid unnecessary frustration or anger.(Children with special needs may have a different timetable)
Giving toddlers words to tell you how they feel and how to work out conflicts
Stating, kindly but firmly, a few reasonably rules and telling your child what will happen if the rules are broken.
Patiently repeating the rules. Young children need time to learn.
Enforcing the consequences when your child breaks a rule that they understand
Positive discipline teaches your child to behave in acceptable ways and to develop a personal sense of self-control.
Tailoring your guidance to your child’s unique needs and temperament is important the base rule is kindness and gentleness(special needs children may require different strategies)
Negative discipline uses shame or hurt to tell a child he or she is doing something wrong. With negative discipline, control comes from the parent, not from within the child. Here are some examples:
Sarcastic or belittling looks and remarks, sometimes in the form of “teasing”
Unrealistic expectations of your child’s behavior, such as expecting your child to sit still for a long period of time.
Threats of abandonment.
Depriving your child of basic needs such as food, water, or sleep.
Shaking your baby or toddler when you are frustrated or angry.
Unreasonably long time outs away from people
Slapping fingers or striking other parts of the body excessively with harmful objects at the beginning of discipline.
Believing and acting as though your child is “out to get you.”
Negative Discipline is Harmful
Negative discipline may temporarily stop a child’s misbehavior, but it seldom helps a child learn why their behavior was unacceptable. It doesn’t show them how they can behave in a more acceptable manner. A child may instead learn from their parent’s behavior to be secretive, belittle others by name calling or being threatening. They may try to see what they can get away with. They may learn that screaming and hitting are ways to get what they want. Negative looks and remarks, sometimes passed off as teasing or joking, are likely to damage a child’s self esteem. Young children are usually not able to understand this kind of adult humor.
Negative discipline may damage a child’s trust in their parents. It also may leave the child with feelings of powerlessness, fear, hurt, anger, or hopelessness. The results may be resentment and bitter memories that may last for a long time.
Negative discipline can cause physical injuries such as bruises, pulled muscles, and broken bones. Never shake a baby! Severely shaking babies can result in neck whiplash, back and other bone injuries, paralysis, permanent brain damage, and sometimes death.
Researchers have told us that high stress brought about by frequent negative discipline also harms the brain development of babies and toddlers. This harm can cause learning disabilities, and behavior problems.
Is Spanking or Paddling Damaging?
It is not always easy to decide how best to set limits for a very young child who is just learning right and wrong. If it is used only once in a while, done calmly and with caring, and if the parent also talks with the child and teaches better ways to behave, the potential for harm from spanking or paddling is minimized. But there are more creative ways that do not involve spanking or paddling to guide your child’s behavior and set a pleasant tone in your home. Learning these methods is what the rest of this booklet will cover.
A strong, close parent-child bond on trust and respect is the foundation for discipline that teaches self control. Build on this foundation by having realistic expectations and setting up your home for peace, and harmony. Both mothers and fathers can promote preventative discipline---- the kind of discipline that may God willing eliminate the need to say “No” often or use other negative techniques. Here’s how to discipline in a positive, preventative way.
Parents should discuss their strategy for training and disciplining their children and agree to work together as a team. If children realize that one parent is strict and the other is easy, they will play the parents against each other. When the strict parent stops them from doing something, they will go ask the easy parent for permission. Both parents need to tell the child the same thing. If parents sometimes disagree on how to discipline the child, they should discuss it privately, not in front of the children.
Most experts on children agree that parents should be consistent. Constantly changing the rules and expectations will only confuse your child. If you stop him from writing on the walls today, and you allow him to write on the walls tomorrow, he will not understand when you get angry the next time he writes on the walls. If you inconsistently apply the rules, he will also test you at times to see whether you are going to be tough this time or easy. If, however, he knows from experience that you always stop him the first time, he will quickly learn it does no good to try to get away with something. Although consistency is essential, it does not mean that parents cannot change their minds about the rules. If you do change the rules, however, you must inform your child in advance so that he will know what to expect. This failure to be consistent is at the root of many parents' inability to control their children.
Never lie to your children
If you lie to them "every now and then," they may not believe you when you tell them the truth. This also applies to those situations when you tell your child to stop doing something, or you will put him in his room, spank him, or take away his toys. If you make that kind of a threat, you must stick with it. Otherwise, you have lied, and your child will not know when you are serious and when you are not. He will then be forced to test you again and again to see.
Don't reward crying
If children realize that by crying, they get what they want, crying will become a means used by the child. When they desire something, they will cry. On the other hand, if you teach them that crying doesn't get them anything, they will stop crying for things. Let them cry and cry and cry, but don't give in. In the beginning, it will be difficult, but be patient. Once they learn the lesson and stop crying for everything, you will be happy that you were firm. You can either listen to crying for a few days or for the rest of your life. It's your choice.
Teach your child to apologize when he does something wrong
This is important so that he will learn what is expected of him when they have infringed on the rights of others. If he does something wrong, he should ask forgiveness, and apologize to any people who were hurt by his words or actions. This will be useful in developing his conscience.
Accept Child's Apology
Be quick to excuse your child when he apologizes and shows that he is sorry for his disobedience or bad actions. When we do wrong, we seek forgiveness, and want to be excused. Likewise, we should excuse others. This will develop in your child a sense of mercy and prepare him for an understanding of the forgiveness of the one who can forgive. Always make it clear to the child that you love him, especially after he has been in trouble and apologized. Let him understand that no bad feelings remain.
Apologize For Your Mistakes
Don't be too proud to apologize to your child when you make mistakes. This will establish in him a belief in your sense of justice and prevent him from viewing you as nothing but a tyrant.
Build Trust and Respect
· Set a good example, because your baby or toddler is a trust and is learning from you all the time. Try to be an example to them of warmth, patience, calmness, firmness, and self-control
· Meet your child’s basic needs. Be trustworthy and consistent in providing food, dry diapers, rest, clothing, and play.
· Stay alert and tuned in to your baby’s or toddlers feelings. Give them your cheerful, undivided attention and also trust your inner sense about what they are feeling. Respond promptly to your child cries. Verily this crying is for a reason.
· Be a cheerleader for their accomplishments.
· Share your power( for lack of a better word) By giving your child frequent chances to choose between two equally desirable choices then accept what they choose: “Do you want to read the farm animal book or the stories of the angles?
Honor your child as an individual. Their temperament, rate of development, abilities, likes, and dislikes are different from those of any other child
Responding to Misbehavior
Although preventive discipline goes a long way towards discouraging misbehavior, toddlers will test your limits. Here re some tips for handling immediate behavior problems in ways that teach self-control.(You also may be able to teach these ideals to older sisters and brothers or other family members.)
· Consider your child’s behavior from their viewpoint. Children have reasons for how they act, weather or not those reasons are clear to adults. Before you decide on a method of discipline, put yourself in your child’s situation. They may not have the language to express their frustration about any number of things, so they act on their feelings in some other way. For example, ask yourself “I wonder why Suhaylah wont put her toys away, as I asked her”.
· Say calmly and firmly what you expect. For example “Putting your belongings away helps mommy keep your room clean and neat”.Give a short, clear reason and show them what the right action is. Repete the rule until you toddler shows they have learned it. Young children need time to learn your expectations.
· Establish a few simple, reasonable, positive rules.
· Always follow through with consequences when rules are broken.
· Use “Do’s rather than “Don’t’s.” Be an example of positive behavior for your child. I f a frustrated parent loudly snaps, what is this teaching your child. Don’t raise your voice, rather gently touch your child’s arm, look into your child’s eyes and express to them what you want from them.
· Redirect your child’s attention. Toddlers easily become interested in a different plaything or activity. Redirecting works better than scolding.
· Give your toddler words to express feelings. Toddlers often feel relieved that you’ve named their feelings for them.
· Make a task into a game. If it looks like fun and your child gets to play, they are more likely to agree.
· Remove your child from a situation if they are angry or is having a tantrum. Give them their space to calm down. Stay close by, keep your eyes on them, and remain calm. Do not scold. When you see thay are calm speak to them clearly and simply about what happened and what to do about it. Then give them a hug, and assure them of your love, and ask them if they would like to go back and play.
· Ask for help from a spouse or other relative. If you’re like most parents, at times you are going to need a helping hand. Parenting is a long- term learning process. Talk over your parenting skills with friends or an religious clergy etc. you trust. Knowing when to reach out for help is a sign of wisdom and courage.
Focus on the Positive: Make it a point to catch your little one behaving well, and encourage them with smiles and a loving touch. You are likely to see more positive behaviors if you pay the most attention to those behaviors. Use words often that express your appreciation.
Raising children well is not only demanding, it is one of the most important jobs there is. You are helping create both your child’s intellectual future as well as the well being of the society. Be patient and listen carefully to the guidance provided about raising our children, and teach your child self-control. Your wisdom and love make all the difference in the world.
Resources to help with keys to good parenting:
Home safe home: What parents need to know
Most of us feel safest when we’re snug in our own homes. Fact is, though, home is the place we’re most likely to be hurt – especially for kids. The good news? “There are lots of fairly simple things you can do that don’t take a lot of money or time,” says Meri-K Appy, president of the Home Safety Council, a national non-profit agency based in Washington, DC. And the experts agree: think like a kid, even if that means crawling on your hands and knees around your house so you can see what they see. Here’s what you need to do to help keep your home safe for everyone you love.
Turn pot lids in towards the center or back of the stove.
Make sure dish soap, household cleaners and poisons such as ant traps are kept locked away from kids.
Keep cords for items such as a kettle, phone or blender, out of reach.
Have a fire extinguisher near the stove.
For babies and toddlers:
Latch all cabinets and drawers with childproof locks. “Look for a lock made with a plastic-nylon blend, which is sturdier than plastic alone,” advises Kim Bost, a co-owner of the San Diego childproofing company, Baby Home Safety. Magnetic locks, which require a magnet “key” to open, are another option.
Find a spot, such as an adjacent storage room barred with a childproof gate, to keep pet food and water bowls. The small bits of food are a choking hazard, and a bowl is a drowning hazard. The litter box goes here too.
Don’t let kids play with empty pots and pans, because they may reach for those same items when they’re hot. If your child is really into tearing the cupboards apart, some experts suggest keeping one drawer stocked with large plastic bowls only.
Sweep and vacuum the floor often. Small objects like a bottle cap or snipped-off end of a milk bag are choking hazards. Alphabet or decorative magnets can also cause choking, so use flat (the size of a business card) refrigerator magnets instead.
Install a stove lock and knob protectors.
Make sure all garbage, grocery and sandwich bags, which can suffocate a child, are in a secured drawer.
Place knives and other sharp objects out of reach.
Did you know:
One-and-a-half tablespoons of salt can be lethal to a 25-lb child?
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