Having difficulty with Potty training your Toddler?

Sunday, November 27, 2011

My Story

A Father's Heartbreak

1965 Detroit Michigan born to Theophilus and Yvonne Paul he married her she was a mature fourteen year old, both were poorly educated from Little Rock and Stuttgart Arkansas, I am the middle child of eight, my father used to be a heavy drinker. I can recall seeing J&B and Gin bottles on the living room table most nights, while deddy which is what we called him. the regular acoustic guitar strumming entertained us four at that time, he was good. He use to come in real late, loaded, accompanied by cousin Ike, to hug us goodnight. The smell of liquor on his breath. I was both happy and sad cause we didn't see him for days at a time and after we went to sleep we were almost always awakened by Deddy fighting her; my beautiful and heavyset mother screaming and calling him names, due to him spending the rent money or lack thereof cause he use to hustle, a sign painter by trade, and Artist. I remember mostly the drinking though. He tried to be somewhat conscience, because he introduced mother to the Black Nation of Islam under Malcolm X, which was really a cult, he use to be somewhat of a half stepper. Their security squad beat him down cause he spent the money which was for their publication, I remember that well.. Nevertheless our family loved him, when he was around to keep us laughing and crying all in a weekend. Herman Garden projects was filled with intact families at that time, and the grass was green, there were still white folks living in Detroit at that time yet they were running North and West of the city faster than we could grow up, white flight they called it, due to the increasing crime rate and the riots which jumped off that same year. After our four other siblings were born along with all the fights and Mom putting deddy out or maybe him just leaving due to what was probably feelings of inadequacy one of those children was Earls our neighbor, she was our youngest half sister. another mans child a bastard they call em. Mother used to do hair in those days she was also a well skilled booster so I've heard. Mother and Deddy had three more girls and a boy, twin girls I remember changing their diapers, we use to move alot cause with eight children we tore up some homes, I was born while we stayed on a street called Seward St., I didn't get much attention but I was real creative. Mother use to say "you use to lie to the bitter end" two of my siblings use to suck their thumbs and my brother got beat almost to death for creeping on our youngest sisters. he was young and sexually repressed this stuff almost always happens in families of all walks of life, we were poor but really didn't know it cause everyone lived that way. A women with all those kids, breastfeeding was almost out of the question, since we were all one or two years apart, we had some fun growing up in Detroit.
Did I mention my dad used to be a heavy drinker? And fight My Mother often? Well I grew up without my father most of the time, and when he was around it was rough for both my mother and us kids. My Mother seemed to be sincere about living life, we attended a private Nationalist school and wore suits and ties to class daily, we were taught so much hatred of whites that after Elijah died I was so racist I would have killed a white baby. Terrible right? Nevertheless, that chapter in our lives was over and we became part of the overall society. Eventually I ran to the mean streets of Detroit and began getting into trouble which landed me in Juvenile detention. When I got out I sold Heroine for a major player on Dexter and Richton. The judge said “I was incorrigible and that my mother couldn't do anything with me”. So for the next four years I was in group homes running away and getting placed back in them. One of my brothers was a star athlete and played football down south, in order to stay out of trouble I joined him it was much better than the harsh realities of Detroit, but some of the same problems existed in this city yet on only on a smaller level. I manage to pretty much stay out of trouble there I meet three women one of them I married and till this day I am very much in love with her. We've had our ups and down's but we remain in a strong marriage for over twenty eight years, and we have three daughters and many grandchildren. We converted to Orthodox Islam and this suffices us till this day. I tried to raise my children upon some good Islamic values. Due to the completeness of Islam's system it is unmatched by any secular regimen. This is the first generation of Muslims in my family, a big deal; to say the least. In western culture people just have babies and maybe they get married maybe they don't, but the whole unwed birth thing, I ran from it and stuck to my family because I didn't want the cycle of poverty to inflict the Paul Family lineage. I returned Back from North Carolina a married man with three daughters but it was tough because I was a womanizer a player, I made a lot of mistakes. I was immature in the early 90's coming back to my hometown and bringing a new family but I safeguarded them the best I could along with the help of an incredible wife who's so amazing We became practicing Muslim's, due to what we saw of the importance placed on family. In Islam lineage is very important. So I tried to instill marriage early in my daughters and more importantly to have continuity in any committed relationship, to safeguard family life. I have always been loyal to my family but many of them are not like that. I could defame them but it would be of no benefit, still we suffer as a group and are still suffering today, due to the men and women not stepping up and taking responsibility and making sound judgments when things go array. Many familes are weak..and only Islam makes one strong. This is the point of where My heart break comes in.

My Daughter has become a great disappointment and has been disrespectful and irresponsible. I was strict but not strict enough, for many enemies to you could be right in your household. Allah says in the Qur'an

O ye who believe! Lo! among your wives and your children there are enemies for you, therefore beware of them.... Your wealth and your children are only an affliction} (Qur'an 64:14-15)

It started when she was only eleven years old, I noticed she was very impressed with herself, always looking in the mirror and primping herself, I thought “she's a female, I just hope she remains chaste for her sake.” due to what I knew about street life. and she wouldn't pay attention in class both at home or in school. We had a neighbor with some son's one seemed slow, you know, mildly retarded. Anyway he talked my daughter out of her window and she was missing the next morning. Her mother and I was frantic, we thought someone had come in and taken her. I came home from work and begin looking in vacant houses, I was terrified. I went to nearby family. Later to find out she was at my half sister's who never let on that she hid in a closet. she had told us she hadn't seen her. My daughter had ran away and deceived us along with my sister I found out she was there, and that another sister had taken her to their home, later we found out that my daughter had lied and made up a terrible story about us. anyway the nightmare didn't end there, Some months had past.   she would claim to be sick so she was kept home from school on numerous occasions, later we found out she had met a man and was inviting him into our home to have sex. Later she became pregnant by this ray ray and pookie type street nigga that has become her signature. So we punished her beat her, with the hope she would learn from her mistakes, but she didn't.  After she had this child whom she couldn't  care for. Me and her mother had to step in and guide this poor lost uneducated girl who due to to being pregnant had to leave a good school and attend an alternative setting. We tried online schools but this young lady did not want any rules she was still tripping and falling dead on her face yet again, she kept coming and going from our home even though she had a small son from a street corner dude who has never done anything positive for her or her son, she kept running back to this low life and he would beat her up and she would do a number of things out in society which upset her mother and I. Because of the choices she made, she was an embarrassment. She just became corrupted. She stole from us and all along I had zero support from my sisters who sat back and watched their young niece destroy herself and they never came by and showed any family support nor did they put her in check. That's Family. That's still not the end of it after she realized she couldn't take care of a child with no skills and no education no money she went to live with my youngest sister, again that half sister who betrayed us before. Betrayed her over some food stamps which the government gives to unwed women with children. which in my view they should never reward this behavior with a check. So we allowed her to come back and live with us. And I convinced her that a family was what she was seeking and not that destructive path she seem to be headed. Yet again she rebelled and ran away again and came back pregnant again. At this point I didn't want this incorrigible person back in my home at all, but she was pregnant and her mother convinced me that she was remorseful. She started to act right and follow our rules. as an adult who could control herself being Muslims, We encourraged her to actually plan for a family.  She married four different times to three different men and had a daughter. none of these marriages worked because she wanted to call the shots and she couldn't appreciate the life of matrimony which if she could have been a real women she wouldn't be in the situation she's in today. Back to shacking up with a Ray Ray or Pookie type street Nigga. I think I know why young women choose this type knowing that this person has a bad track record in the area of supporting a women let alone a child, yet they pick em.. I believe they choose him over a smart Poindexter type cause it makes them seem superior. I talked to her till I was blue in the face. I just hope one day she becomes aware of that fact.

http://youtu.be/vfraYR2o__o The Raw Truth

 2011 today
I had to call CPS on her for leaving her three children alone for ten days without as much as a call, now I had to take her to probate court and petition for guardianship of her two boys and her daughter from one of her marriages, Who now wal-Hamdulillah is with her father. but this little ingrate is all over face book claiming “this is the happiest she's ever been” yet she has abandoned her children, stole her son's bike when she left, stole her mother's credit card, and those same sister's of mine had the nerve to call my mother and say “we support her” That's Family though, This is my heartbreak.This is an update to my story, well I'm on good terms with my youngest daughter today even though she failed to apologize for her attempted to blame me for her bad choices. My wife and I reside in Saudi Arabia, we've always dreamed of visiting this ancient land the birthplace of The Prophet Muhammad. being Muslim and conservative this is perfect or our life style. as for my sisters, they tend to be very liberal in their choices. explanes why I didn't receive the support with my daughter from them when she was literally destroying herself. so it's very difficult to reach out to them even though I know Islam doesn't allow us to cut the family ties. it was and till this day is their behavior which prevents me from reaching out to them and giving them the best I have to give due to my Islam, I want so bad for them to experience Islam, it's comfort, serenity, and guidence which this noble faith brings.  

Update: 2012 My daughter is again shacking up with a pookie type Nigga again and they are both comfortable Niggas residing in a East side neighborhood on public assistance  and yes she had another baby out of wedlock with no marriage contract. at this point she's an adult who thinks she's free to choose the fate of these innocent children. She's now sick with diabetes due to a poor diet because the Government gave her food-stamps and she wasn't even equipped to provide healthy meals to herself or her family what a waste of resources and taxpayer dollars. I believe these liberal policies are intentionally designed to destroy the family. Nevertheless we are still the guardians of her two boys till this day. essentially they have  been abandoned by their mother for many months which should be a crime. I think she visited them three times in ten months. still nothing from my sisters no support or encouragement for her to do the right thing. They didn't visit or call me during the whole ordeal which broke my heart into pieces. she had no strong family support system other then her parents whom she didn't desire to listen to. I think due to a dysfunctional extended family of men and women who made terrible choices themselves who could offer nothing even for their own families will continue to contribute part and parcel to the downfall of many inner-city minorities which sadly will include my own family. 2013 My daughter is free from shacking up with the degenerate person who she picked up herself from the streets she was deep into. she is in poor health suffering from graves disease, which is  Hyperthyroidism. this has in my hope humbled her although she struggles to be the parent we taught her to be she remains caught between the fact she was raised a Muslim with loyalties to Islam and the Muslim and weather she will be influenced by the very liberal women who have degraded their own families, although an easy choice her personality is weak so we continue to pray for her protection and guidance. this sickness has hopefully encouraged her to hold on to her faith return to her Lord; Allah who afflicted her and can remove her afflictions. We hear from her occasionally but not  as much as we would like. I requested her to put back on her Hijab and return to the salaat. I hope she'll obey her father for her own sake. Allah is watching.

No comments: